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Many men who are attracted to fat women find ways to express that desire while sheltering themselves from judgment and stigma including secret sexual relationships with fat women, too afraid or disgusted to elevate those encounters to full-fledged relationships.
I would go from being a charmingly eccentric bohemian to being a monstrously crass bother. But when fetishism is brought up with respect to fat attraction, it gathers like a storm cloud. To be clear, there are attractions to fatness that take such specific forms that they are undeniably fetishistic.
Some fat people happily engage with these fetishes and find fulfillment or paid work in their role. Some do not. But many fat people have felt fetishism thrust upon them without their consent.
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Fat fetishism has deep roots for many fat people, especially fat women. People who internalize anti-fat stereotypes — including the pervasive cultural belief that fat people are categorically unattractive or unlovable — are more likely to binge eat, as are survivors of sexual assault.
Fat acceptance spaces frequently include heartbreaking stories of people whose partners kept their relationships secret. Of course, not all fat people have lived these sex and relationship horror stories. But many of us have become so acculturated to them that we come to describe the vast majority of fat attraction as fat fetishism.
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But thin people are frequently attracted to other thin people without garnering suspicion of fetishism. They may find themselves drawn to brown-haired people, muscle-bound bodies, or tall partners.
They can speak freely of the physical characteristics they like best: chiseled jawlines, long hair, slim legs. In the world of thin people, these are types, a physical attraction so universal that it is neutral.
Everyone, we are told, has a type.
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But if a thin person is reliably attracted to fat people, that type curdles and becomes something less trustworthy: a fetish. I reject the notion that fat attraction is necessarily a fetish: something deviant, tawdry, vulgar, or dangerous. I choose to believe that my body is worthy of love — the electric warmth of real, full love. But in some ways, it is. I choose to believe that I am lovable, as is my body, just as both are today.
I believe that I deserve to be loved in my body, not in spite of it. My body is not an inconvenience, a shameful fact, or an unfortunate truth.
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Desiring my body is not a pathological act. Despite the never-ending headwinds, fat people around the world find and forge the relationships they want. There is no road map, so we become cartographers, charting some new land for ourselves. We live extraordinary lives, beloved by our families, partners, communities. Fat people fall wildly in love. Fat people get married. Fat people have phenomenal sex.
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Fat people are impossibly happy. The only difference is that no one calls people who exclusively date thin humans thin fetishists . I believe fat fetishism is only demonised because fatness as a whole is demonised; if fatness is bad , so too must be the people who are attracted to it.
I found myself exhausted from trying to make it work with folks who kind of thought I was cute but were mostly settling for the fat chick because it was better than being alone. Advertisement My favourite thing about this app is the potential for fat friendship, though.
I find it extremely empowering to see other fat people of all genders owning their bodies in raw, unapologetic ways. FF is full of radical fat babes who post unflattering and magnificent photos and clips in which they celebrate the figures that society generally considers unworthy.
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